My good friend Pete is in the hospital over in Tyler, and I have been going back and forth to visit. He's in some kind of morphine fog, and nodding in and out. Well, the other day there was quite a few of us in the room with him when he, out of nowhere, said Jeff is kind of "metrosexual"...(???)
If you don't know what that is, don't feel bad, because I didn't either. I had heard of the term, but wasn't real sure what it was. Turns out, that's a guy that, dresses real sharp, and is up on fashions, gets his fingernails and toenails manicured and pedicured, gets his eyebrows and what not waxed....blah,blah,blah....
I would like to take just a minute to say "I AM NOT METROSEXUAL!!!"...I think.
Now, I do take pride in my appearance, and always wear a little "girl getter" so I smell nice, but I ain't metrosexual. I mean, I wear Wranglers. You can't wear wrangler jeans and be metrosexual...I'm pretty sure you would have to wear Jordache or somethin'.
I wear Justin Ropers. I'm pretty sure a metrosexual would have some of those boots with a zipper on the side of 'em.
I did have a polo shirt at one time, it had POLO in big blue letters on the back of it, and MARCO in big blue letters on the front. Surely that's not metrosexual.
I wear ballcaps and cowboy hats. It sounds to me that a metrosexual would wear a beret, or at least one of them funny looking golf hats.
I do keep my fingernails and toenails clean and trimmed, but I do it with an Uncle Henry pocket knife...is that Metrosexual???
Well, I got to get back to spinnin' some tunes, and talkin' on the phone you know...work.
Later....or for the metrosexuals out there....CIAO.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
HOW MUCH DO YOU LIE???
THE AVERAGE PERSON WILL TELL 109,575 LIES IN THEIR LIFETIME:
I'm not sure if this should make you happy, or very, very worried about society . . . but everyone else in the world is LYING just as much as you are.
According to a new survey in England, the average person tells FOUR lies every day . . .
. . . That's 1,460 lies per year . . . and 1,464 during leap years.
. . . Which comes out to approximately 109,575 lies over the course of your life. (--Assuming you hit the exact life expectancy of 77.8, and you're talking . . . and, therefore, lying . . . for 75 of those years.)
The four lies per person, per day is the average . . . but that's based on the average of both genders. If you just look at one sex at a time, men admit they lie five times a day . . . and women claim they only lie three times a day.
75% of both men and women say that women are better liars than men.
66% of people, or two out of three, say they don't feel guilty telling "white lies" . . . and 40%, or two out of five, say they're good at lying.
According to the survey, the most common white lie people tell is "There's nothing wrong with me; I'm fine." 28% of people say they use that lie regularly.
Here's the entire list of the top 30 white lies people tell, according to this survey . . .
1.) "There's nothing wrong with me; I'm fine."
2.) "Nice to see you."
3.) "I don't have any cash on me." (That's right: Homeless people and your broke, freeloading friends pushed this lie all the way up to number THREE.)
4.) "I'll give you a call."
5.) "Sorry I missed your call."
6.) "We'll have to meet up soon."
7.) "I'm on my way."
8.) "No, you don't look chubby in that."
9.) "I'm stuck in traffic."
10.) "No, I didn't get your text message.
11.) "I had no [cell phone] signal."
12.) "Of course I love you." (THAT'S a little white lie??? It's pretty significant to me. Unless you're trying to have relations with someone for the first time. Then OK.)
13.) "Our server must have been down."
14.) "My alarm didn't go off."
15.) "The check is in the mail."
16.) "My battery died."
17.) "The train/bus/subway was late."
18.) "I'll call you back in a minute."
19.) "This tastes delicious."
20.) "I'm going to the gym tonight."
21.) "We're just friends."
22.) "My watch stopped."
23.) "I've got a call on the other line."
24.) "I've been in meetings all day."
25.) "It's just what I've always wanted."
26.) "I wrote your number down wrong."
27.) "It was THIS BIG."
28.) "I'm working late tonight."
29.) "I bought the last one."
30.) "My car wouldn't start."
(Daily Mail)
(The most amazing thing to me: Look at how much the cell phone era has changed the way we lie. Saying you don't have a signal, didn't get a text, missed a call . . . even "I'm stuck in traffic" . . . these are all cell phone lies.)
(Have cell phones really made us all terrible human beings??? Or is technology just the most convenient excuse available??? 200 years ago, maybe the lies would've been "My horse wouldn't move" or "I broke an axle on my buggy.")
(And then, the social observers of that era would've speculated that the horse-and-buggy era turned everyone into horrible human beings. Let's go with that. It'll help us sleep better at night.)
I'm not sure if this should make you happy, or very, very worried about society . . . but everyone else in the world is LYING just as much as you are.
According to a new survey in England, the average person tells FOUR lies every day . . .
. . . That's 1,460 lies per year . . . and 1,464 during leap years.
. . . Which comes out to approximately 109,575 lies over the course of your life. (--Assuming you hit the exact life expectancy of 77.8, and you're talking . . . and, therefore, lying . . . for 75 of those years.)
The four lies per person, per day is the average . . . but that's based on the average of both genders. If you just look at one sex at a time, men admit they lie five times a day . . . and women claim they only lie three times a day.
75% of both men and women say that women are better liars than men.
66% of people, or two out of three, say they don't feel guilty telling "white lies" . . . and 40%, or two out of five, say they're good at lying.
According to the survey, the most common white lie people tell is "There's nothing wrong with me; I'm fine." 28% of people say they use that lie regularly.
Here's the entire list of the top 30 white lies people tell, according to this survey . . .
1.) "There's nothing wrong with me; I'm fine."
2.) "Nice to see you."
3.) "I don't have any cash on me." (That's right: Homeless people and your broke, freeloading friends pushed this lie all the way up to number THREE.)
4.) "I'll give you a call."
5.) "Sorry I missed your call."
6.) "We'll have to meet up soon."
7.) "I'm on my way."
8.) "No, you don't look chubby in that."
9.) "I'm stuck in traffic."
10.) "No, I didn't get your text message.
11.) "I had no [cell phone] signal."
12.) "Of course I love you." (THAT'S a little white lie??? It's pretty significant to me. Unless you're trying to have relations with someone for the first time. Then OK.)
13.) "Our server must have been down."
14.) "My alarm didn't go off."
15.) "The check is in the mail."
16.) "My battery died."
17.) "The train/bus/subway was late."
18.) "I'll call you back in a minute."
19.) "This tastes delicious."
20.) "I'm going to the gym tonight."
21.) "We're just friends."
22.) "My watch stopped."
23.) "I've got a call on the other line."
24.) "I've been in meetings all day."
25.) "It's just what I've always wanted."
26.) "I wrote your number down wrong."
27.) "It was THIS BIG."
28.) "I'm working late tonight."
29.) "I bought the last one."
30.) "My car wouldn't start."
(Daily Mail)
(The most amazing thing to me: Look at how much the cell phone era has changed the way we lie. Saying you don't have a signal, didn't get a text, missed a call . . . even "I'm stuck in traffic" . . . these are all cell phone lies.)
(Have cell phones really made us all terrible human beings??? Or is technology just the most convenient excuse available??? 200 years ago, maybe the lies would've been "My horse wouldn't move" or "I broke an axle on my buggy.")
(And then, the social observers of that era would've speculated that the horse-and-buggy era turned everyone into horrible human beings. Let's go with that. It'll help us sleep better at night.)
Monday, January 14, 2008
SHE WILL DO "IT", FOR A DRINK!!!
A WOMAN SAYS SHE'LL GET-IT-ON WITH A MAN IF HE BUYS HER WINE . . . THEN RENEGES, AND BEATS HIM, AFTER HE BUYS CHEAP WINE:
Here's some life advice that your father should've told you . . . but, just in case he didn't, I'm going to pass on. If you're at a 7-Eleven and you meet a woman there who offers to have sex with you on the spot . . . no matter how horny you are, you need to RUN.
At about 1:00 A.M. last Wednesday, a 48-year-old man was at a 7-Eleven in Bremerton, Washington, and, in their wine aisle, he met a 27-year-old woman. Their names weren't released.
They started talking, and the woman offered him a deal: He buys her some wine . . . she'll perform sexual favors.
She went outside to wait and he bought the wine. BUT . . . unfortunately, he decided to cheap out . . . and bought two bottles of THUNDERBIRD.
If you don't know your wine like I do, Thunderbird is a low-end fortified wine . . . the kind that hobos drink . . . like MD 20/20. It sells for around $3.50 a bottle. The website WineEnthusiast.com says Thunderbird, quote, "tastes like apples and urine." (That's why I go for the fancy "Boxed Wine".)
And the woman was NOT happy that the guy only felt her sexual favors were worth $3.50. (Although I'm not sure what she was expecting from 7-Eleven's wine aisle. Last time I checked, they don't stock bottles of 1787 Chateau Lafite.)
So she took the bottle . . . and SLAMMED IT into the guy's head. When the police got there, the man was on the ground, with two big gashes on his forehead and a bloody bottle of Thunderbird next to him. The woman was arrested for second-degree assault. (Kitsap Sun)
Here's some life advice that your father should've told you . . . but, just in case he didn't, I'm going to pass on. If you're at a 7-Eleven and you meet a woman there who offers to have sex with you on the spot . . . no matter how horny you are, you need to RUN.
At about 1:00 A.M. last Wednesday, a 48-year-old man was at a 7-Eleven in Bremerton, Washington, and, in their wine aisle, he met a 27-year-old woman. Their names weren't released.
They started talking, and the woman offered him a deal: He buys her some wine . . . she'll perform sexual favors.
She went outside to wait and he bought the wine. BUT . . . unfortunately, he decided to cheap out . . . and bought two bottles of THUNDERBIRD.
If you don't know your wine like I do, Thunderbird is a low-end fortified wine . . . the kind that hobos drink . . . like MD 20/20. It sells for around $3.50 a bottle. The website WineEnthusiast.com says Thunderbird, quote, "tastes like apples and urine." (That's why I go for the fancy "Boxed Wine".)
And the woman was NOT happy that the guy only felt her sexual favors were worth $3.50. (Although I'm not sure what she was expecting from 7-Eleven's wine aisle. Last time I checked, they don't stock bottles of 1787 Chateau Lafite.)
So she took the bottle . . . and SLAMMED IT into the guy's head. When the police got there, the man was on the ground, with two big gashes on his forehead and a bloody bottle of Thunderbird next to him. The woman was arrested for second-degree assault. (Kitsap Sun)
Thursday, January 10, 2008
SEX, RELIGION, AND POLITICS!!!
I was told by my Granny to never discuss politics, religion, or sex in mixed company and I would do alright. Well, I have had a number of folks ask me lately, "Who you votin' for?", and things have been going a little too good for me lately anyway, so I've decided to write on it a little...
In years past, I've said many times, "I'm not voting for anybody that's never fed their family Hamburger Helper because that's all they could afford". I've said, "The dynamics just aren't there if they've never had a scheduled "Sloppy Joe night". The closest I've ever come to having a maid is stayin' at a hotel...you know what I mean?
I am not a Republican...I am not a Democrat. I try to pick the one I have most in common with. I have a buddy that's always either drunk or high and sometimes both. He writes MY name in for president in every election. Don't laugh!!! It's not that funny if you consider that means I've come closer to being president than most folks you know.
I've been asked, "...what do you think about Hillary cryin'?". He asked, "What would be more embarassin' than your female president cryin' in front of some foreign head of state?". I said, "Havin' my male president cryin' in front of some foreign head of state". I don't know Hillary. I met Bill. I liked Bill. Hell, I still like Bill. So, he lied about foolin' around. Hillary is meaner than shit, and he was a little embarassed about foolin' with big girls. Now, I like a girl to be a little big too, so we had that in common.
I don't know about Barack Obama. Some folks will say people are afraid of what they don't understand. I've learned that if you just don't screw with shit you don't understand, you'll be alright. Kind of like me and electricity. I only know 2 things about electricity...You can't see it, and it will kill you. But back to Obama. I've seen some of the emails...is he a muslim, does he refuse to say the pledge of allegiance. I checked snopes on it, and some of the things they say about him is true, and some is false. You should probably check on it yourself. He won't dignify the questions with answers. So that tells me that as book smart as he may be, there's some Dumb-Ass in the mix too....and Oprah loves him, that bitch.
Mitt Romney, he's a mormon. I haven't done a lot of reading on Mormons, but I watch that show on HBO called "Big Love", and those folks are mormons. On that show, the guy has a bunch of wives that drive him absolutely ape-shit crazy. I don't know if Mitt's into all of that, but he would be a hell of a lot more interesting if he was.
John McCain....I like McCain, but he scares the piss out of me. He's got a temper, and frankly he's gettin' kind of old. Fact of business, my Grandfather had to quit drivin' at about that age, and he was a REAL AMERICAN HERO TOO.
Mike Huckabee is from these parts, he and my people go way back. I've heard him preach on Easter Sunday, I've participated with him in events at the Hope Watermelon Festival, and other little fairs and gatherings in the area over the years. I heard a complaint about him the other day. Some folks are pissed that when he left the Governor's Mansion, he registered at Target for some housewarming gifts or some mess like that to get stuff for his new house. Well, I can't even stay at a Motel 6 without taking an ashtray or two. I stayed at a Sandals Resort back in October, and I'm still using Sandals soap and shampoo. My head smells like a Mango right now, I swear. If it were me, I would have left the Governor's Mansion with all of the towels, sheets, tv's, toilet paper, and a got-dang Chandelier in the trunk of my wife's car. I like Mike, but I don't know if I'll vote for him. Chuck Norris is on his team, so I'm almost a little scared to not vote for him.
Keep watching, keep listening, and no matter who YOU choose...VOTE!!! Even if you write in some dumbass like me, VOTE!!! If you don't make some choice, you won't have a reason to bitch later.
And since my Granny was probably right, I have to say these opinions are mine, and probably nobody else's, and YES, I do know what they say about opinions.....Thanks.
In years past, I've said many times, "I'm not voting for anybody that's never fed their family Hamburger Helper because that's all they could afford". I've said, "The dynamics just aren't there if they've never had a scheduled "Sloppy Joe night". The closest I've ever come to having a maid is stayin' at a hotel...you know what I mean?
I am not a Republican...I am not a Democrat. I try to pick the one I have most in common with. I have a buddy that's always either drunk or high and sometimes both. He writes MY name in for president in every election. Don't laugh!!! It's not that funny if you consider that means I've come closer to being president than most folks you know.
I've been asked, "...what do you think about Hillary cryin'?". He asked, "What would be more embarassin' than your female president cryin' in front of some foreign head of state?". I said, "Havin' my male president cryin' in front of some foreign head of state". I don't know Hillary. I met Bill. I liked Bill. Hell, I still like Bill. So, he lied about foolin' around. Hillary is meaner than shit, and he was a little embarassed about foolin' with big girls. Now, I like a girl to be a little big too, so we had that in common.
I don't know about Barack Obama. Some folks will say people are afraid of what they don't understand. I've learned that if you just don't screw with shit you don't understand, you'll be alright. Kind of like me and electricity. I only know 2 things about electricity...You can't see it, and it will kill you. But back to Obama. I've seen some of the emails...is he a muslim, does he refuse to say the pledge of allegiance. I checked snopes on it, and some of the things they say about him is true, and some is false. You should probably check on it yourself. He won't dignify the questions with answers. So that tells me that as book smart as he may be, there's some Dumb-Ass in the mix too....and Oprah loves him, that bitch.
Mitt Romney, he's a mormon. I haven't done a lot of reading on Mormons, but I watch that show on HBO called "Big Love", and those folks are mormons. On that show, the guy has a bunch of wives that drive him absolutely ape-shit crazy. I don't know if Mitt's into all of that, but he would be a hell of a lot more interesting if he was.
John McCain....I like McCain, but he scares the piss out of me. He's got a temper, and frankly he's gettin' kind of old. Fact of business, my Grandfather had to quit drivin' at about that age, and he was a REAL AMERICAN HERO TOO.
Mike Huckabee is from these parts, he and my people go way back. I've heard him preach on Easter Sunday, I've participated with him in events at the Hope Watermelon Festival, and other little fairs and gatherings in the area over the years. I heard a complaint about him the other day. Some folks are pissed that when he left the Governor's Mansion, he registered at Target for some housewarming gifts or some mess like that to get stuff for his new house. Well, I can't even stay at a Motel 6 without taking an ashtray or two. I stayed at a Sandals Resort back in October, and I'm still using Sandals soap and shampoo. My head smells like a Mango right now, I swear. If it were me, I would have left the Governor's Mansion with all of the towels, sheets, tv's, toilet paper, and a got-dang Chandelier in the trunk of my wife's car. I like Mike, but I don't know if I'll vote for him. Chuck Norris is on his team, so I'm almost a little scared to not vote for him.
Keep watching, keep listening, and no matter who YOU choose...VOTE!!! Even if you write in some dumbass like me, VOTE!!! If you don't make some choice, you won't have a reason to bitch later.
And since my Granny was probably right, I have to say these opinions are mine, and probably nobody else's, and YES, I do know what they say about opinions.....Thanks.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
BADASS BOYSCOUT!!!
IN THE MALDIVES, AN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT ON THE PRESIDENT IS STOPPED BY . . . A BOY SCOUT:
Who knew that the BOY SCOUTS were training kids to become THIS badass?!?
Yesterday, in the Maldives . . . which is a country, made up of a bunch of small islands, in the Indian Ocean . . . an assassination attempt was made on the president and he was saved by . . . a BOY SCOUT.
70-year-old Maumoon Abdul Gayoom is the president of the Maldives and yesterday, he went to one of the islands in the country, called Hoarafushi. A crowd had gathered to greet him.
As the president walked through the crowd, 20-year-old Mohamed Murshid pulled out a knife that he'd wrapped in the Maldives flag and ran up to try to STAB and kill Gayoom.
But the Boy Scout, 15-year-old Mohamed Jaisham Ibrahim, saw what was happening . . . ran over, and fought the knife out of Murshid's hand. THEN Gayoom's security guards figured out what was happening and tackled Murshid.
During the assassination attempt, Gayoom's shirt got torn and Ibrahim got a deep cut in his hand while he was wrestling the knife away.
Ibrahim was flown to a hospital in Male, which is the capital of the Maldives, for treatment on his hand.
A government spokesman says they don't know the motivation for the assassination attempt yet. Islamic militants HAVE been performing terrorist acts in the Maldives . . . including a bombing last year . . . so the government thinks they could be responsible.
In the Maldives, the Boy Scouts are just like the ones in the U.S. . . . they do things like camping and learn about first aid . . . and their motto is "Be prepared."
Gayoom has been president since 1978, and helped turn the Maldives into a major luxury tourism spot.
(Haveeru / MSNBC / Arizona Republic)
(I guess Ibrahim earned himself the rare "Saving a president from getting assassinated" merit badge, huh??? Here's a photo of Gayoom shaking Ibrahim's hand, JUST before Ibrahim saved his life . . .)
Who knew that the BOY SCOUTS were training kids to become THIS badass?!?
Yesterday, in the Maldives . . . which is a country, made up of a bunch of small islands, in the Indian Ocean . . . an assassination attempt was made on the president and he was saved by . . . a BOY SCOUT.
70-year-old Maumoon Abdul Gayoom is the president of the Maldives and yesterday, he went to one of the islands in the country, called Hoarafushi. A crowd had gathered to greet him.
As the president walked through the crowd, 20-year-old Mohamed Murshid pulled out a knife that he'd wrapped in the Maldives flag and ran up to try to STAB and kill Gayoom.
But the Boy Scout, 15-year-old Mohamed Jaisham Ibrahim, saw what was happening . . . ran over, and fought the knife out of Murshid's hand. THEN Gayoom's security guards figured out what was happening and tackled Murshid.
During the assassination attempt, Gayoom's shirt got torn and Ibrahim got a deep cut in his hand while he was wrestling the knife away.
Ibrahim was flown to a hospital in Male, which is the capital of the Maldives, for treatment on his hand.
A government spokesman says they don't know the motivation for the assassination attempt yet. Islamic militants HAVE been performing terrorist acts in the Maldives . . . including a bombing last year . . . so the government thinks they could be responsible.
In the Maldives, the Boy Scouts are just like the ones in the U.S. . . . they do things like camping and learn about first aid . . . and their motto is "Be prepared."
Gayoom has been president since 1978, and helped turn the Maldives into a major luxury tourism spot.
(Haveeru / MSNBC / Arizona Republic)
(I guess Ibrahim earned himself the rare "Saving a president from getting assassinated" merit badge, huh??? Here's a photo of Gayoom shaking Ibrahim's hand, JUST before Ibrahim saved his life . . .)
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
WHAT'S YOUR WIFE WORTH???
A MAN IN MISSISSIPPI HAS TO PAY $750,000 IN DAMAGES . . . FOR STEALING ANOTHER MAN'S WIFE:
Back in 1997, Sandra Valentine of Holly Springs, Mississippi (in the north, central part of the state), started working for a realtor named Jerry Fitch. Two years later, Sandra gave birth to a baby girl . . . who turned out to be JERRY'S kid, not her husband's.
Sandra and her husband, Johnny Valentine, got divorced and, during the process, she admitted she'd had an affair with Jerry. After the divorce was final, Sandra and Jerry got married. (None of their ages were reported, but Sandra looks to be in her 50s and Jerry is even older.)
WELL . . . turns out, Mississippi is one of seven states that still has an alienation of affection law. (--Along with Hawaii, Illinois, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota and Utah.)
Those are laws that are hundreds of years old that let you SUE a person for stealing away your spouse . . . giving you damages for, quote, "a loss of society, companionship, love, affection and sexual relations." So Johnny SUED Jerry under that law.
A court ruled in his favor . . . and awarded him $750,000. Jerry is a multi-millionaire from his real estate work; Johnny has WAY, WAY less money than that from his career as a plumber.
Jerry's been appealing that ruling against him for almost a DECADE . . . arguing that alienation of affection laws are unconstitutional, antiquated and, quote, "based on medieval notions about marriage and [wives being] property."
But now, finally . . . it's over. Yesterday, the U.S. Supreme Court decided NOT to hear Jerry's case, so the ruling stands . . . and he has to pay Johnny $750,000 for stealing his wife. (!!!) (MSNBC) (TCS)
(--Here's a picture of Sandra and Jerry . . .)
Back in 1997, Sandra Valentine of Holly Springs, Mississippi (in the north, central part of the state), started working for a realtor named Jerry Fitch. Two years later, Sandra gave birth to a baby girl . . . who turned out to be JERRY'S kid, not her husband's.
Sandra and her husband, Johnny Valentine, got divorced and, during the process, she admitted she'd had an affair with Jerry. After the divorce was final, Sandra and Jerry got married. (None of their ages were reported, but Sandra looks to be in her 50s and Jerry is even older.)
WELL . . . turns out, Mississippi is one of seven states that still has an alienation of affection law. (--Along with Hawaii, Illinois, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota and Utah.)
Those are laws that are hundreds of years old that let you SUE a person for stealing away your spouse . . . giving you damages for, quote, "a loss of society, companionship, love, affection and sexual relations." So Johnny SUED Jerry under that law.
A court ruled in his favor . . . and awarded him $750,000. Jerry is a multi-millionaire from his real estate work; Johnny has WAY, WAY less money than that from his career as a plumber.
Jerry's been appealing that ruling against him for almost a DECADE . . . arguing that alienation of affection laws are unconstitutional, antiquated and, quote, "based on medieval notions about marriage and [wives being] property."
But now, finally . . . it's over. Yesterday, the U.S. Supreme Court decided NOT to hear Jerry's case, so the ruling stands . . . and he has to pay Johnny $750,000 for stealing his wife. (!!!) (MSNBC) (TCS)
(--Here's a picture of Sandra and Jerry . . .)
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