WHAT IF SANTA WAS A RAPPER???
(We're all accustomed to thinking of Santa as an old, fat, white guy. But I got a "Christmas Rap" as the song on my MySpace profile and it got me to thinkin'...what would happen if Santa had more of an urban flavor? Check out the . . .)
TOP THINGS YOU'D SEE IF SANTA WAS A RAPPER
He almost misses Christmas because he's out behind the workshop shooting dice with the elves.
All Christmas specials include at least one unplanned pregnancy.
Every time he says "Ho, ho, ho", three hoochies come up and start grinding against him.
Goodbye, festive red outfit . . . hello tracksuit.
Numerous arrests related to his beef with the Easter Bunny.
He's always late delivering gifts because his sleigh always gets pulled over by the cops.
Despite being 250 pounds overweight, he actually thinks he looks tough without his shirt on.
It takes him longer to deliver toys because he has to stop at a baby momma's house in every town.
He lies and says he's from the most dangerous neighborhood in the North Pole so white kids will think he's dangerous and buy his records.
Hours after he's delivered presents, his posse is still hanging out in your living room, trying to get with all the Santa groupies.
Excited kids can see him coming for miles, thanks to the moonlight reflecting off his sleigh's 20-inch rims.
When he flies over New Orleans, he won't stop shouting about how George W. Bush hates black people.
Half of the world's children he delivers to, are his own.
Yall feel free to add to the list......
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Monday, December 17, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
A "REAL" COWBOY!!!???
A REAL COWBOY!!!???
Well, we did our little radio thing at Hooters the other night. I was there, tellin' the stories I tell, and doin' my thing as usual, and after the broadcast I sat at the bar to have a beer, and one of them Hooters girls asked me if I was a "Real" Cowboy. I said that I have spent most of my life in the "Country Culture", balin' hay, workin' horses, tendin' livestock, feedin' chickens, sloppin' hogs, takin' care of dogs and raisin' hell. So, yes. I think I am a "real" Cowboy.
I asked about her, and she said she's a lesbian. She said she wakes up in the and thinks about women. Drivin' down the road she thinks about women. Eatin' lunch she thinks about women. At work she thinks about women. When she takes a bath she thinks about women...All she does is think about women. She seems real comfortable in her skin about it, so I thought, good for her.
A few minutes later, a fella sits down on the other side of me at the bar and asked me if I was a "Real" Cowboy. I told him that I thought I was...... but now I'm thinkin' I'm a Lesbian.
Well, we did our little radio thing at Hooters the other night. I was there, tellin' the stories I tell, and doin' my thing as usual, and after the broadcast I sat at the bar to have a beer, and one of them Hooters girls asked me if I was a "Real" Cowboy. I said that I have spent most of my life in the "Country Culture", balin' hay, workin' horses, tendin' livestock, feedin' chickens, sloppin' hogs, takin' care of dogs and raisin' hell. So, yes. I think I am a "real" Cowboy.
I asked about her, and she said she's a lesbian. She said she wakes up in the and thinks about women. Drivin' down the road she thinks about women. Eatin' lunch she thinks about women. At work she thinks about women. When she takes a bath she thinks about women...All she does is think about women. She seems real comfortable in her skin about it, so I thought, good for her.
A few minutes later, a fella sits down on the other side of me at the bar and asked me if I was a "Real" Cowboy. I told him that I thought I was...... but now I'm thinkin' I'm a Lesbian.
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